Money Problems

I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to money. It’s not like there’s a shortage in my life- I’ve always been good enough at keeping enough to feed and clothe and house and entertain myself enough. There’s enough.

The problem is that generally 99% of the time I feel like there isn’t enough. When I picture myself failing at life (like once a day…that’s normal right?) I see an old me with no family or friends living in ramshackle hell hole with mice and empty ramen containers everywhere. But that’s just not accurate- I’ve always been able to find work, I’m pretty okay at making friends, and I DON’T EVEN EAT THE RAMEN THAT COMES IN STYROFOAM CONTAINERS! I get the kind in the bag.

Anyway, that’s a money script that my brain likes to read through. I know this now because of an amazing podcast I just started listening to. It’s call Bad With Money With Gaby Dunn and if you or anyone you know feels weird of uncomfortable about money, you should listen to it. Each week Gaby explores different aspects of her relationship with money. The first week, Gaby talks with her parents about their relationship with money and explores how their attitudes have informed her attitudes. The second week she talks with a financial psychologist* who helps her figure out what kinds of money scripts she’s reading off of in given situations.

I’m only 4 episodes in and every single one gives me something to think about. I sometimes literally hold my breath while selecting “Make A Payment” on my credit card page or logging in to my student loan website. Listening to Gaby walk through her anxiety about money helps me feel like I can breath normally and get to a point where money can just be a part of life as opposed to a scary “don’t look to long” mess.

I’m currently listening to “Tokens for your Tokens” where Gaby is talking with Roxane Gay– author of Bad Feminist– about her relationship with money and how it’s changed throughout her creative career. They discuss how society expects folks from marginalized groups to work for little or nothing aside from exposure and how that’s a crock of shit. Based on future episode descriptions, Gaby will be exploring lots of different angles including economics in relation to ability, Hollywood and paying women (super relevant to this blog!), money and relationships, and job hunting.

Bad with Money with Gaby Dunn is nonstop gems. Have your pens and notebooks ready.

*My partner teases me that every time I hear about a different profession on TV or podcasts or wherever, I immediately wish that was my career. Well…I WANT TO BE A FINANCIAL PSYCHOLOGIST SO BAD! It sounds like a very cool career.


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